So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize