It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
