The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sobbing to NWA
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
