Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
pray to the hookup gods
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
