you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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