Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
