ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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