I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize