So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
