You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
