I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
