Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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