I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
