I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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