3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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