Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
