you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
