How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
