Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
