One girl and one boy is just not enough.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
