I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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