Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
