girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
