I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
