I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
