Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
