Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
