I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
