There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
