It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
