How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
