hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am naked and annoyed.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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