So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
