I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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