Plan B is the new Plan A
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
