worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
