why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
