this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
