Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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