U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i would punch a child for taco bell
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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