Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
