community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
