im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she peed on how many people?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
