Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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