Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
