Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
