he thought i was a dude.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
