Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
