We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
