who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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