i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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