you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
In America we eat man semen.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
