I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
