I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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