Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
