lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
