People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
