I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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