its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Michael Bay diarrhea
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
