you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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