She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
