and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
