I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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